How is it that sometimes I am fine and other times I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin? I mean I know how this happens but I really wish it didn’t.
It just makes me feel kind of broken.
These guys randomly sprayed me with a water gun at a bus stop and I had a white shirt on and it was for no reason. I don’t even know who they are. I got really upset and walked down the street crying like a stupid kid.
This other guy wanted to go to the spa this weekend and get massages and I had to be like I’m sorry I can’t handle stuff like that. Except I looked like a ball of anxiety while I did it.
These construction workers heckled my friend and I was we walked by. I’m not sure how people ever think that’s ok.
And this person I like ish may actually have a girlfriend? Not that it’s apparent in us hanging out or when we talk. Heard it from someone else. And is another totally improbable thing with no future. Not that everything needs a future but it’s one of those things I tend to consider.
And work is constantly fluctuating between up and down which makes me kind of crazy. Maybe at the end of the day I’m not cut out for all of this. I mean, I can do it. I know I can do it. But do I want it? I want to stay where I am job wise but maybe not this particular one. I don’t know. This particular post is a little weird, then again they are all a little weird. There are a lot of personalities involved and they aren’t particularly happy.
I’m not sure how often I really ask myself what I want. What do I want? I tend to spend a lot of my time given other people what they want but what do I want. And generally, I want to be happy. But happiness is something you work on everyday. You create happiness. It’s not given to you. There are moments where I can feel it. I feel like I’m at peace and the world stands still.
I guess I put it all down it does sound kind of stressful.